REASONABLE VS UNREASONABLE PARENTING
CREATING A PINOCCHIO
While she went to the counter to pick up the food order, Mom left her blonde curly-haired, dimpled darling at the table in the small eatery.
Upon her return, on the restaurant wall was a huge smearing of ketchup and mustard. The ghastly sight was only a few steps from where little Ms Dimples was sitting.
The only other patrons in the area were two elderly women.
Who might have created this unartistic mess?
A reasonable person would know the elderly folks didn’t. A reasonable parent would know, without a doubt, their kid had misbehaved.
Unfortunately, there aren’t too many reasonable parents out there these days. Instead we’ve got a bunch of ‘em taking a wild stab at raising kids that the rest of us are having to put up with.
Ms Unreasonable Mom asked Dimples IF she had decorated the wall with the condiments.
What would any kid answer, when confronted with a choice concerning what even the kid knew to be a punishable deed?
Ms Unreasonable Mom seemed to think it was time for discussion. After the first shaking of the blonde curls, Mom asked the question again. and again.
Each time the repeat response was more adamant then the first and delivered with little arms folded across her chest and a “you don’t trust me” scowl on her face.
Ms Unreasonable – middle name Mom – let the issue rest. Since the condiment containers on their table were empty, she reached onto another table for the ketchup and mustard needed for their hotdogs.
Uh, huh!
“She said she didn’t do it!” was Ms Unreasonable’s confused response to my alarm at how the situation was handled.
Mom knew who put the stuff on the wall
Mom should not have asked, “Did you do this?”
Mom set kid up to tell a lie
The issue should have been confronted – head-on
Management should have been asked for cleanser and rags
Under Mom’s supervision, kid should have cleaned the mess as best possible
No condiments from another table – dry hotdogs become one of the consequences of this intolerable behavior.
Too many unreasonable parents think this type of behavior from their offspring is cute. In my reasonable style of parenting – there are no cute kids.
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Mom should not have ask the question to pput the kid on the spot. She should of after seeing the containers empty ask Management for something to clean up the mess and made sure Daughter participated. Then dry food to eat and maybe then we could set down and discuss what happened, and what would be fair. Children will lie as well as Adults, when they know there is punishment at hand. But lesson’s can be learned by just acting in a posistive manner, once the child knew how difficult it is to clean up such a mess maybe they won’t do it again. My daughter used crayon on a wall I gave her soap and water and a brush after 5 mins of trying to get the crayon off the wall I knew she would never do it again. I got in and helped her she was hugged and she knew she had done wrong and was forgiven.
We’ve got some very smart parents who read and comment on this blog! Jean Troy you are most certainly one of them. I hope the other readers will learn from your expansion of the conversation as to what helps our children “see the light” Thanks much for your continued input
38 years ago, when I worked at McDonalds in South Pasadena, it was expected that when parents came w/ their kids, that who ever was on busing (including the bathrooms)- it wasn’t going to be fun. Parents would sit and watch these children make katchup messes on the table high chairs any where their nasty little hands decided to go to create their hand & finger painting, that the parents ignored (literally). They sat there with them watching them – they saw it happening and did nothing !
When doneThe parent would collect the children and leave the mess. Including thrown & tossed French fries. Let me stop here and leave the bathrooms alone (it would be just as bad).
It was the worst when we saw them coming.
Not to mention out of control screams and yells.
It seems, as would be a sensible thing, that parents raise their children for the life they expect them to live. Something called “white privilege”. Blonde curly locks are going to be tolerated in the American culture so antics are tolerated by parents – that’s the life “they” lead.
On the other side of town, where I live and raised children, somewhere in my DNA I know that my kids kinky hair and dark skin isn’t classified as cute, in the broader society, and I know ain’t nobody gonna let ’em get away with anything. And so subconsciously, Black folk raise their kids according to what we know is awaiting them.
As a Parent of a multi – racial Family I can assure you Black Folks are no better the White Folks or Hispanics when it comes to making their Children not make messes in Mickey’ D’s or anywhere else .
This is a National crisis ~ Parents who never tell their little ‘ darlings ‘ ” NO , STOP ” or ” THAT’S BAD / WRONG ” and then wonder why their Kids are so unhappy with life when they have never been taught cause and effect , often known as ‘ taking responsibility for your actions .
Our Teen-aged Foster boys often remark to me ” how come no one else ever talks to us like you do ? . ” when I chide them for leaving the toilet seat up , leaving dirty clothes on the floor , a napkin or bit of food on the table anywhere , @ home or when eating out .
-Nate
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